So .. I ended up talking to V today.
I called her because I wanted to know why and well.. I guess I got my answer.
V and I were amazing together and she brought the best me forward. She was everything I was looking for in a partner, and she was all the good qualities of my exes in one bundle of beauty.
I’ve been thinking about her a lot the last couple weeks because I’ve been dating more often and these people obviously ask about my last relationship. When I tell them how she was everything I wanted it kinda makes me sad to think I had the one that was perfect for me and I let her go. I have convinced myself since the break up that I deserve to be treated better, her loss, etc. lol …
But I always wondered was it really true? Maybe this thing that messed us all up was just a fluke and we let it ruin us? Not that I wanted to get back with her, just needed to know that it was unpreventable, I guess? That we aren’t actually meant to be in each others lives.
Talking to her she still didn’t really take responsibility for the pain she caused me, and the lies she deliberately told to hurt me. She says she didn’t do it on purpose, but how can that be so when you lied to get the reaction you wanted?
Then I told her something that made me realize the pain she caused.
I said, ” People who do the hurting don’t usually remember what they said or did, especially if it was a lie. But the people that got hurt, they will remember those words forever, they will remember exactly what you said.”
And it’s true, I can remember all these instances and when I present them to her, she barely remembers.
I got my answers why though, why she sabotaged our relationship and felt that I deserved the pain and tears she caused. It’s because I was honest with her about her relationship with her mother (she didn’t take too kindly to that). She also thought we were moving too fast. The problem is she was just as fast as I was and didn’t tell me anything about it, so I had no idea.
Even though my heart still breaks when I see her picture or wonder what we could have been. I realized she’s still the shitty person who fucked me/us up and she’s no better a person after these past few months.
I’m okay though, I shed a tear and on I go! Just another shitty person that makes me stronger and realize there are few good people in this world.
So take this with you… if you have amazing honest people in your life.. hold on to them!