Sad day yesterday

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So yesterday was a little bit hard.
I’m generally a happy cheerful person but sometimes I have my days that bring me down.

I don’t usually like to open up about how bad my life is at times. I mean I know I may not have it hard compared to a lot of people by any means but sometimes the struggle just gets too much. So the night before last I opened up to a friend about some of my struggles and well that caused me to start thinking about them and how “sad” it all is.

The next day I was still thinking about it all and opening up to a friend made it all seem rather real. For the most part I hold my head high, work, eat, sleep and do it again. When I have time I get groceries, spend time with my kitties and watch t.v. too much.  But when I talk about it, it reminds me I can’t afford anything new or sometimes even my medication, I can’t afford a timmies coffee, I pretty much sleep on the floor, and heaven forbid I get asked on a date (can we just walk around?) lol. Sometimes it’s not that bad, but sometimes it really is. So no more opening up and talking about it, because it’s distracting and makes me sad.

Also my family is all pretty sick right now, we won’t get into that though. Just a little story about my papa to show the kinda bs that we deal with everyday.
So my papa has been in a hospital for the past 9 months and it’s been a horrible ordeal. One day he came home from errands, was talking gibberish and not being himself. So my nana called my mom to take him to the hospital and well he never came out. He was diagnosed with alcoholism dementia. In the hospital he was very mistreated, drugged up all the time to a point where he would just be in bed for days, which is nothing like him. He would also always have his arms bruised and bleeding and lost over 100 lbs. He’s been put on a wait list to be put in a home and we were lucky enough to find him one last weekend. So, my mom txts me yesterday saying that he was rushed to the hospital and doing fine. I phoned her to ask what the hell, to be told that he stopped breathing and was brought to the hospital. She then continues to tell me that he had to have a breathing tube put in and was on life support. After about an hour of being there the staff wanted to unplug him. That’s right I said it … UNPLUG HIM! She told them no, and to just give him the right medication and he will be fine. They did so and all of a sudden he was breathing just fine on his own. Can you imagine?!?!
Ya, so needless to say yesterday was not the best day for me. My papa is fine though, which is good. This new home is such a good thing for him though, despite the breathing mishap.

Today’s a new day, and low and behold the government was nice enough to know I was super broke and send me $100 for being a good girl with my taxes 🙂

Today is better then yesterday, which I am very glad about. Sometimes days just get you down, and remind you how poor or shitty your life is. Then the sun sets you shut your eyes and wake up to a new day with new possibilities. I’m back to my chipper positive self because I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and even though my bed is pretty much the floor I have warm blankets and a soft pillow. For this I am all very thankful and continue to hold my head high, be strong, and carry on. Until my next sad day comes and I defeat it , I will smile and be happy to be alive.

Cheers,
RCarr

 

suncoming out

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