Like always, it’s been awhile.
A friend of mine has been talking about creating a blog and I was like, “hmmmmm .. I have a blog!”
So I figure it’s about time to get back on this horse. As usual a lot has happened, and I have stories to tell.
This has been one of the worst and best years of my life, so many lessons have been learned this year and I imagine there is more to come before this year ends.
A little round up of 2013 so far….
New Years was amazing, one of the best days of my life. There was just something so magical about it, I was in a crowd of people at an apartment party and I was kissing cheeks of people I didn’t know. I had recently ended my year and half relationship with my ex fiance J and I was continuing my life journey solo. Everyone was so happy, the room was full of love, happiness, laughter and most of all HOPE. That night I knew I would become a better person then I have been in the past and I looked forward to becoming older, stronger, faster, wiser, kinder, and an all around better human.
So going from that night I had a roommate who let’s just say wasn’t the cleanest or greatest person, and I knew I had to leave there ASAP if I wanted to be better. So I moved from there to a one bedroom apartment downtown with my two loves Casper and Boo. I was still kind of hooking up with J at that time but it was on my own terms, so I used it to my advantage (selfish I know).
I was still working with fake people at a job that was getting me no where for just over minimum wage and killing myself. So I got a new job at a bank making twice as much as I was at my old job and I was pretty okay with that. I met some new people and have been learning a lot, not to mention I finally feel like a grown up.
During this time I have also been on a wild adventure of self discovery. I have been meeting random people and going on random adventures, seeing more places in the past few months then I have in the three years I have lived in this city. I have found hidden gems, met amazing people, met horrible ones, experienced beautiful and not so pretty things.
Moving in to my new place happened in February and I ended up meeting someone not too long after. I know it doesn’t seem long but how J and I ended, the way she treated me… I was ready to be happy again. V was her name, she came into my life like a handful of sparkles. Everything was beautiful and magical and I never wanted it to end. It was love at first sight, she was everything I ever wanted in a person. She was all the good parts of my exes combined, she was perfect for me… what more could I ask for? Well like all good things, that came to an end. The way I like to describe it going down hill goes like this: I think a spider crawled into her ear one night and took with it all the good things about her. From there she stopped asking how my day was, how I felt, or what I wanted. V actually started telling me how I felt, without even thinking to ask. She became completely concerned about only herself and actually started doing/ saying things that she knew would hurt me. Opening up to her and telling her all my thoughts, dreams, weaknesses etc, gave her so much fuel for this fire I stupidly thought she would never use. As much as I loved her and wanted her to be “it” I couldn’t bare the thought of someone who says they love me treating me like that. Painfully I ended it, and even though sometimes it’s really hard and lonely, in the end all I have is me. The quote I like to live by is “To thine own self be true” – Shakespeare. If I stayed I know I wouldn’t be living by that quote, I know that I would just be hurting all the time and hoping the Valerie I fell in love with would come back. This hope would have been in vain, because she might never have gone back to the beautiful woman I used to know and love.
Now I am here, a few months later. I am everything I hoped for this year, I am older, stronger, faster, wiser, kinder, and an all around better human. As much as all these heartbreaks have hurt and made me (at times) question the possibility of finding love and happiness with another, I am glad it happened because it has brought me here. I look better then ever, am in better control of my emotions, thoughts and actions. I know what I want, where I am going and who I want to be.
Let’s see what the rest of 2013 has to bring.
As a young woman facing the world solo, I say .. PUT ON SOME RED LIPSTICK AND BRING IT ON!
rcarr 