It’s been too long as per usual. I thought I was in a state of being able to write twice a week, yet it has not happened. Moving forward, I will be writing when I can with no false expectations. I have so much that I have jotted down to write about here, all will come in due time. Everything is eventual.
Now to get on with our current subject today brought to you with ideas from myself, Monika H. and the inspiring people that give us food for thought all the days of our lives.
What do you do when stressers come up?
– Ex messages you
– Someone at work tells you a rumor they heard about you
– Missed the bus
– Your friend tells you they have feelings for you but you don’t feel the same
Take time for your mind to process the information well breathing regularly, don’t panic. Deep breathes in and out. Being present in the moment is so very important.
Next think about the possibilities, the different outcomes. Only use your mind and don’t let your body react by getting stressed, angry or emotionally invested in this news.
This allows you to stay in the neutral mind set.
I live in a small apartment with my two cats (I haven’t always been so privileged). My only entertainment other then my books I’ve already read is the internet and movies. A couple months ago wine got spilled all over my laptop.
How did I react? Let’s take a look at our options:
A) Beat my cat
B) Panic, stress and freak out
C) Rush to find something/anything to soak it, possibly tripping and damaging more things
D) Accept that I just lost my computer
E) Look on the bright side! More time for reading!
I chose options D and E. I also remembered, “Hey! I bought this lap top two years ago for $100.” It has served me well and I was grateful for the time we had together.
People asked me how I didn’t freak out and beat my cat. I think to myself … why would I do that? What good would if it have done me?
Another important aspect is choosing to make that choice.
At first I was a skeptic. I didn’t understand how I could practice a neutral state of mind when I constantly had stress. How will I make rent, without cutting back on groceries? Making sure the the cats always had enough food. Not enough money to do the laundry this week, not getting enough hours at work, but working too much without a day off I know will make my body shut down. I’m using money from loan companies, but it’s still not enough. I knew there had to be something better, a different way of life. The roller coaster I was on was not letting me off. I had some highs and lots of lows. Life was full of worry, long days and lonely nights. I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. The one thing that was constant was my gratefulness. I was grateful for being healthy and I was grateful that I had a roof over my head, even if it wasn’t my own. When you struggle your whole life with so little you learn to cope and become grateful for what you do have.
** If you can only take one thing away from this blog today … take this. **
Making the effort to change whether it be your thinking, your body, your judgments, or your expectations can be really freakin’ hard!! Needless to say, for most people it doesn’t happen overnight. This is where someone invited me into a different way of thinking. Something called, “being in the neutral mind.” To put it simply, that roller coaster that I was on.. I could step off. I was able to watch life go through its ups and downs that it needed to while I sat back and watched.
Yup, I had no money, but I made it. I had enough money to scrape by. There was no new things or going out, but I was so grateful for what I did have. I took extra shifts when I could and said no when I couldn’t. I invested in a crock pot, bought groceries to last me the week and when the veggies started going bad I made stew or soup for week 2. Cats always came first, they never went without food, I personally ate A LOT of pasta at that time.
Things happened, life went up and down. But I consciously didn’t react or let things get to me. I am a very emotional being. I cry when things are beautiful or sad. I laugh loud and often. Most people will also tell you they have never seen me with a frown. I enjoy connections with family, friends and strangers. Letting things get to me and get me down was not going to happen. I refused.
I made the choice to change, to try something different. To make life work for me. To tweak it so I could get what I needed out of it.
I am the opposite of my mother in this way, she reacts so large over so little. I ask her all the time why she stresses so easily, why something so insignificant is such a big deal. She doesn’t even know and it’s because there’s no need for it to be that way. So I talk to her in a calm soothing voice. Reassuring her that no one is dead/injured, nothing is on fire or about to explode and that maybe she should take some deep breathes. Then we follow the steps to take the time to identify/process the problem and work through our options.
You could also do a version I like to call the “black and white”. It’s either A or B. I can be upset or not, I can yell or not, I can kick someones ass because I’m mad or not. By making it two choices you make your mind take time to make a decision as well as postpone the reaction choosing the best option (hopefully).
What about the friends in your life, are they good or bad? Do they impact your life negatively or positively. I’m pretty harsh when it comes to the people I share my life with.
Black and white- you’re either contributing to my life or bringing me down and making it worse. I don’t have time/energy for shitty people and I am quick to tell them so. There is enough crap and stress in your life, you don’t need the people closest to you making it worse.
Time to make a change. Invite positivity and neutral mind into your life. Make the conscious decision to think before you react and maybe practice some “black and white” processing. Take some deep breathes, and step off the roller coaster baby.
All my love,
RCarr
*wrote this blog listening to Urban Cone
rcarr 